HR Person write a love letter....

Ever wonder how an HR Person would write a love
letter to his girl friend??

To,

Juliet, Grade 7.0
S.M

Sub:Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in
love with you since the 14th of October(Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the
13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present
myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a
period of three months and depending on compatibility,
would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will
be continuous on the job training and performance
appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover
to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and
entertainment would initially beshared equally
between us. Later, based on your performance,

I might take up a larger share
of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken
care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of
receiving this letter, failing which, this offer
would be cancelled without further notice and I shall
be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you
could forward this letter to your sister, if you
do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

More laugh.....

~~Why is 1010 a dangerous number?
.
.

ANS: Because it is Hazardous (Hazar-Dus)


~~What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

~~The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
~~What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.

~~When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

~~A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."

~~The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong .

~~ Rods teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Rods seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advice. I have the same problem with his Father."


~~What is Common between: Krishna, Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

~~ Teacher to a Sardar: A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,
Sardar: I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, and So I Love Your Daughter.

~~ Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi. Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
Ram ne kaha.
Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.

~~ A Kid asks the Priest: Father what is your Favorite Pastime...?
The Priest pats the kids head & replies: NUN My Child NUN....!!

~~ Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone
Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310
now it is 6610"

~~ Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College,
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa: No is not studying, they r Studying him.

~~ Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho
gai...!! Chinti Boli Wah Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab sari
umra kabra khodnemai bitegi..!!

~~ Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale, Santa agar
koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!

~~ Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her,
I LOVE U SISTER.

~~A sardarji goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Mr., can you tell us your age, please?"
The sardarji counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The sardarji stands up and produces a measuring tape from his handbag..he then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. he checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The sardarji bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen seconds!
Mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, "Gurpreet!”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Oh, that!" replies the sardarji," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...Happy Birthday dear Gurpreet...happy birthday to you...'."

ClassiC DefinitionS & CooL MeaningS"

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......!

Time Passssssss......

Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married; Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
*******************************************************************
Wife: Honey..... What is You Looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date. =
*******************************************************************
What is the Difference between mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
*******************************************************************
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion?
Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & come to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me.
*******************************************************************
Sardar to his friend "I kiss my Wife everyday before leaving for Office. What about you?"
Friend: Me too, after you leave.
*******************************************************************
Sardar: Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies Yaar...!!! =
*******************************************************************
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
*******************************************************************

Man before Marriage is like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... “Wherever R U Go Our Network Follows u."
*******************************************************************

Three guys are bragging about what they bought their wives:

The first says:
I bought her something which goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds"
The other two guys don't know what he's talking about so he reveals,
"I bought her a nice Porsche"

The second guy says:
"I bought something which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds."
"That HAS to be a Ferrari - right?"
"Yeah that's right! I bought my wife a nice red Ferrari"

The third one says:
"I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to 200 in just 2 seconds."
"THAT CAN'T BE - The Ferrari is the fastest car in the world?!"
"Well - it's not a car, but .......

WIGHT MACHINE!!!!!!!!


Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Ramya and Shilpa!, why are you late for school, today?
Shilpa: Madam, I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teacher: Ramya, what about you?
Ramya: Madam..., I was not able to move ....because I was hiding that coin under my feet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentally affected teachers harrasing students
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?
Japan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju : My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Student :(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher: Go run after it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Ramu, get up .How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu: I can teacher, if you keep your voice down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "What is your name?".
Student:" Mera naam Surya Prakash hai."
Teacher: "When I ask a question in English, answer it in English."
Student: "My name is Sunlight."
------------- -

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan Singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM
*******************************************************************


Tony: Where is the earth???
Tom: Inside the universe.
Tony: Where is universe????
Tom: around the earth!!!

Tony: Do u know tom, I have donated my blood hundreds of time?
Tom: Oh really!! At such a young age??
Tony: Yes, to the mosquitoes and the bed-bugs in my house!!!

Tony: I can stop time when-ever I wish to!
Tom: How is that????
Tony: Simple, by removing cell of my watch!!

Editor: Did u write this poem yourself??
Contributor: Yes sir, every line of it.Editor: OOO, I am glad to meet U Mr. Shakespeare, I thought u were dead long ago!!!

Father: Son, u should study well and become a famous person. Ur fame should spread to all four corners of the world.
Son: It’s not possible Dad.
Father: Why not dear??
Son: Dad don’t u know that the world is spherical. How can it have four corners??!!!??!?!
A police man noticed a girl running around a colony several time. Curious to know he asked her, “What are u doing??”
Girl: I am running away from my house.
Police: But why ru running around colony??
Girl: Because I am not aloud to cross the street!!!!!!


Traffic Police: Why didn’t u stop at zebra crossing?
Car Driver: Sir, I think such animals should be kept in zoo not on the road

Robber; Give me all that u have or else…
Passenger: Or else….???
Robber: I will go away quietly !!!!!!

Tony: Can u tell me which side is earthworms head??
Tom: Yes, Just tickle its tummy and see where it smiles!!

Customer: What kind of water do u give in this hotel??
Waiter: What happened, Sir??
Customer: In the drinking water u dip ur all 3-3 fingers? What is this??
Waiter: Sir, This is nothing. The one who fills the water is swimming in the water for the convenience!!!

Tony: Dad say that if I leave all my bad habits then everyday he will give me $10 everyday.
Tom: Then leave it.
Tony: But what will I do with that $10 if I leave all my bad habits??!!??

Teacher: Tom, hold your ears and say ” I am DONKEY”
Tom: Teacher, Here I am holding my ears.
Teacher: Then say “I am Donkey”
Tom: Teacher, I didn’t say no to hold my ears but…. Teacher I can’t say that your donkey!

Tony: Do u know my father is very afraid to cross a road?
Tom: How is that?
Tony: When I and Dad cross the road he always holds my hand.

Judge: Your r fined $100 for pick pocketing.
Pick pocketer: Sir, I don’t have money now but if u allows me to take a walk in the premises for an hour then I will surely pay the fine!!

Tony as usual was absent in school. Tom went to his house to find what the problem was. He asked him, “Why didn’t u come to school? Madam was angry at u??”
Tony: Due to my alarm clock.
Tom: Was it not loud enough to wake u up??
Tony: NO, the problem was it has lullaby music!!!!!!!!!!

Tony: Mom, Today I learned to write in school.
Mom: Then what did u write in the school??
Tony: Mom, I learned to write in school not to read!!!!!!

A tourist came to the birth place of Lincoln with the guide. GIde said, “This is where Lincoln was born?
“When was he born?”
“1215”
“Oh, I just missed his birth by 20 minutes!!!!!!”

Tony: Tom, Who is superman??
Tom: He is the one who wears his underpants over his pant!!!!!

Customer: What is this fly doing in my water?
Waiter: Swimming!!!!

Bollywoooood Khazana

YE World hai na world, isme kya kya ajeebo gareeeb gane atee hai ……

DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!

barabar ich to hai na ……

Smoking2) Drinking3) Charas4) Ganja5) Chicken6) Mutton7) Oily food8) Masala 9)Sleep & obesity10)Pollution
= Heart Attack

Matlab

DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!





BAAP OF ALL PJS

One gangster gave three fully sealed khokas (typical Mumbaian word, u should be familiar if u have seen Vaastav) to his fellow and ordered him not to open these khokas....after three days, gangstar shot that fellow. When another gang boy asked his gangster why you shot him, he said I ordered him not to open these khokas but he did not obey my order. Gang boy said that three khokas were still fully sealed then how did you know that he had opened the khokas??

Gangster said when I touched three khokas I felt two khokas were hot and
one was cold. Gang boy could not understand anything..

Can you guess how the gangstar found it out???

guess.....





'thandaa matlab khoka khola'




Ajj ka world hai na instant world hai! E world hai! Sab kuch zoooom bhaga ta hai. TO ha hamare filmstar ka bhi EEEEEEEE-mail hai! Wanaa it just note down…
Bollywood Film Stars mail-ids

AbhishekBacchan:
I_can_act_too@yuva.com

AmitabhBacchan:
Indian_james_bond@afterKBC.tv

AnilKapoor:
expert@copyingsouthindianmovies.com

SalmanKhan:
why_do_I_always_get_into_trouble@needagirlfriend.com

ShahRukhKhan:
over_emotions@mostmovies.com

RamGopalVarma:
same_formula@bombayunderworld.co.in

SunilShetty:
hoping_to_be@indianarnold.com

AamirKhan:
whats_up_with_the_hairstyle@mangalpande.com

AamirKhan(alternateaddress):
married_or_not@toomanyaffairs.com

SaifAliKhan:
goofy_roles@suitsmeperfect.com

HritikRoshan(alternateaddress):
main_aisa_kyon_hoon@askyourdad.com

AjayDevgan:
finally_I_started_to_act@aftersomanyyears.com

BobbyDeol:
noone_thinks_I_can_act@getanotherjob.com

Sunny Deol:
He is still busy fighting Pakistani soldiers. Mail address is a
secret.

Urmila:
ramgopalvarma_has_forgotten_me@nomorerangeela.com

MallikaSherawat:
I_dont_need_to_act@overexposureworks.com

AmishaPatel:
Kaho_na_pyaar_hai@wasmyonlyhit.com

KareenaKapoor:
oh_iam_so_cute_and_talented@nobodyelsethinksso.com

Raveena Tandon:
waiting_for_third_umpire@stumped.com


Raam ne sita se shaadi ki..
Ravan ne sita ko kidnap kia..
Hanuman ne sita ko bachaya ...
To batao Vaastav mein hero kaun???
..

SANJAY DUTT !!


What is the plural of Shahrukh Khan??
Answer: - ICICI
How??
Shahrukh :Main Hoon Na ............ ICICI: Hum Hai Na :-)