Time Passssssss......

Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married; Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
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Wife: Honey..... What is You Looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date. =
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What is the Difference between mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
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How can a Sardar Kill a Lion?
Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & come to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me.
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Sardar to his friend "I kiss my Wife everyday before leaving for Office. What about you?"
Friend: Me too, after you leave.
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Sardar: Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies Yaar...!!! =
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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
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Man before Marriage is like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... “Wherever R U Go Our Network Follows u."
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Three guys are bragging about what they bought their wives:

The first says:
I bought her something which goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds"
The other two guys don't know what he's talking about so he reveals,
"I bought her a nice Porsche"

The second guy says:
"I bought something which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds."
"That HAS to be a Ferrari - right?"
"Yeah that's right! I bought my wife a nice red Ferrari"

The third one says:
"I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to 200 in just 2 seconds."
"THAT CAN'T BE - The Ferrari is the fastest car in the world?!"
"Well - it's not a car, but .......

WIGHT MACHINE!!!!!!!!


Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Teacher: Ramya and Shilpa!, why are you late for school, today?
Shilpa: Madam, I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teacher: Ramya, what about you?
Ramya: Madam..., I was not able to move ....because I was hiding that coin under my feet.
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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentally affected teachers harrasing students
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Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE
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Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday
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Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?
Japan
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Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju : My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
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Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
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Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
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Student :(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher: Go run after it.
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Teacher: Ramu, get up .How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu: I can teacher, if you keep your voice down.
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Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
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Teacher: "What is your name?".
Student:" Mera naam Surya Prakash hai."
Teacher: "When I ask a question in English, answer it in English."
Student: "My name is Sunlight."
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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan Singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM
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Tony: Where is the earth???
Tom: Inside the universe.
Tony: Where is universe????
Tom: around the earth!!!

Tony: Do u know tom, I have donated my blood hundreds of time?
Tom: Oh really!! At such a young age??
Tony: Yes, to the mosquitoes and the bed-bugs in my house!!!

Tony: I can stop time when-ever I wish to!
Tom: How is that????
Tony: Simple, by removing cell of my watch!!

Editor: Did u write this poem yourself??
Contributor: Yes sir, every line of it.Editor: OOO, I am glad to meet U Mr. Shakespeare, I thought u were dead long ago!!!

Father: Son, u should study well and become a famous person. Ur fame should spread to all four corners of the world.
Son: It’s not possible Dad.
Father: Why not dear??
Son: Dad don’t u know that the world is spherical. How can it have four corners??!!!??!?!
A police man noticed a girl running around a colony several time. Curious to know he asked her, “What are u doing??”
Girl: I am running away from my house.
Police: But why ru running around colony??
Girl: Because I am not aloud to cross the street!!!!!!


Traffic Police: Why didn’t u stop at zebra crossing?
Car Driver: Sir, I think such animals should be kept in zoo not on the road

Robber; Give me all that u have or else…
Passenger: Or else….???
Robber: I will go away quietly !!!!!!

Tony: Can u tell me which side is earthworms head??
Tom: Yes, Just tickle its tummy and see where it smiles!!

Customer: What kind of water do u give in this hotel??
Waiter: What happened, Sir??
Customer: In the drinking water u dip ur all 3-3 fingers? What is this??
Waiter: Sir, This is nothing. The one who fills the water is swimming in the water for the convenience!!!

Tony: Dad say that if I leave all my bad habits then everyday he will give me $10 everyday.
Tom: Then leave it.
Tony: But what will I do with that $10 if I leave all my bad habits??!!??

Teacher: Tom, hold your ears and say ” I am DONKEY”
Tom: Teacher, Here I am holding my ears.
Teacher: Then say “I am Donkey”
Tom: Teacher, I didn’t say no to hold my ears but…. Teacher I can’t say that your donkey!

Tony: Do u know my father is very afraid to cross a road?
Tom: How is that?
Tony: When I and Dad cross the road he always holds my hand.

Judge: Your r fined $100 for pick pocketing.
Pick pocketer: Sir, I don’t have money now but if u allows me to take a walk in the premises for an hour then I will surely pay the fine!!

Tony as usual was absent in school. Tom went to his house to find what the problem was. He asked him, “Why didn’t u come to school? Madam was angry at u??”
Tony: Due to my alarm clock.
Tom: Was it not loud enough to wake u up??
Tony: NO, the problem was it has lullaby music!!!!!!!!!!

Tony: Mom, Today I learned to write in school.
Mom: Then what did u write in the school??
Tony: Mom, I learned to write in school not to read!!!!!!

A tourist came to the birth place of Lincoln with the guide. GIde said, “This is where Lincoln was born?
“When was he born?”
“1215”
“Oh, I just missed his birth by 20 minutes!!!!!!”

Tony: Tom, Who is superman??
Tom: He is the one who wears his underpants over his pant!!!!!

Customer: What is this fly doing in my water?
Waiter: Swimming!!!!